The power of relationship (actually, it's love)

Yesterday we came home to find that our front grass had been cut by our neighbours. We smiled and thought "how kind of them".

A few days ago, I was sitting in the garden drinking a glass of wine when I heard the neighbour come into his garden with his son to play cricket. The ball frequently smashed against his fence and twice rolled under into my garden. Once it nearly knocked my glass of wine over. I smiled each time and rolled the ball back over to a chorus of "sorry! Thank you!"

Occasionally we hear loud music through our wall, and while it is mildly irritating, it is nice to hear a family laughing and enjoying themselves next door.
Yet, we've also lived in places where when we've heard a loud TV through the wall, our response was one of anger and irritation, which usually let to a loud thump on the wall to ask them to turn it down!

The question is why does one situation result in tolerance and good relations, whereas the other is anger and stress?

The key is that in our current home, we invested in the relationship with our neighbours. On arrival into the neighbourhood we took time to introduce ourselves. At Christmas we send a card. When we had builders on site, we sent neighbours a bottle of wine to apologise for the inconvenience. We communicated with them all about our building plans, not to ask their permission but out of courtesy.

At no point do we do these things in order to manipulate others. We do these things out of love. These actions build relationships which help build tolerance when things happen that could result in tension had the relationship not been there. It's almost like having a bank account with reserves. Investing in relationship is like making lots of small deposits into the account, so that when crisis arrives, we have funds to see us through.

Jesus once told his disciples: "By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.". (John 13:35)

When people truly love one another, they invest in relationship. From a position of good relations, we have the reserves of tolerance to listen to each other when we see things differently and we have a sincere desire to understand the motivations of each other, even if we profoundly disagree. 

 
The New Testament is full of examples of conflict in the Church. The pastoral letters emphasise the importance of loving each other and promoting unity and harmony. This is not just a lovey dovey hope, it is about our witness to the world.

Again, we return to the words of Jesus in John 17:

“My prayer is not for them alone. I pray also for those who will believe in me through their message,  that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you. May they also be in us so that the world may believe that you have sent me.  I have given them the glory that you gave me, that they may be one as we are one—  I in them and you in me—so that they may be brought to complete unity. Then the world will know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me."

Do you see the last sentence there?  The way we relate to one another in the church sends a message of witness to the world.

This begs the question, what do we do if some in the church oppose same sex marriage and others support it? Or our brothers and sisters in the Anglican community where some support women bishops and others oppose it?

Perhaps now is the time to return to the core message that we need to invest more in our relationships within the Church. Few people change their views by hearing a Bible verse thrown at them to argue that they are wrong. When people feel loved and respected, then we might be open to listening in a far deeper way, rather than to entrench ourselves in a position that leaves the secular press rubbing their hands in glee...

Blog reviews on the Church of Scotland's shift to allowing gay ministers...

Here are some useful blog summaries I recommend:

http://www.standrewsblantyre.com/index.php/about-us/our-minister/peters-blog/1181-something-for-everyone

http://oldhighststephens.com/2013/05/21/general-assembly-how-did-the-vote-for-gay-clergy-happen/

Here is a moving sermon following the GA discussion: http://www.standonline.org.uk/church/view_video_290412

Conservative... Evangelical... Christian?

There once were Christians.  Then, skip forward a few hundred years... there were Evangelical Christians.

The noun was Christian, the adjective was Evangelical.

Then the adjective slowly became the noun, as we spoke of Evangelicals.

And now there are Conservative Evangelicals, where the adjective is Conservative and the noun is Evangelical.

I wonder what the next stage in the Evolution of our constant attempt to redefine ourselves (usually by comparison to another "outgroup") will be?

And what about the other end of the spectrum?  We had Liberal Christians, who are now just Liberals.  Are there different types of Liberals in the same way there are different types of Evangelicals?

But most intriguingly, it's no longer suitable to say "I'm a Christian".  We now seem to need to ask "what kind of Christian are you?".  And that, is sad.  You see, we're dropping the word Christian ever so slowly.

Like or Dislike

I've just added "like" and "dislike" reaction buttons to each post.  Please do give a reaction if you have one.  If I need another category other than like/dislike then let me know!  If you choose dislike (or even like) then I'd love to know more, so please feel free to comment.

Are we pushed into counter-extremism?

Over the years, I've noted that when a group of people start to become extreme in their views, they begin to alienate more and more people, but not only this, they seem to provoke stronger than normal reactions in the other extreme.

Perhaps it's to do with the old theory that for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction?

The first time I appreciated this in a religious context was when sitting in a car with a minister who started talking about Literalists.  It took me a while to work out what she was meaning.  As an evangelical Christian, I was puzzled, until I realised she was referring to a group I'd call Conservative Evangelical (further along the spectrum than where I sit).  And it's true, when you listen to some conservative views, they do seem to take the Bible incredibly literally.  By this I mean they take some words off the page, ignore any context whatsoever and say "see, it says it in the Bible".

You'll read on another post that I think if you take the Genesis template of one man and one woman being the only acceptable template for relationships, because it's written there, then you have some challenges ahead.  The first challenge comes only 1 verse later.  In Genesis 2:24 it says that a man leaves his father and mother and is united with his wife and they become one flesh.  So a literal application of this is that we must all practice heterosexual monogamy.  Speaking as a monogamous heterosexual male, that suits me fine.

But what's this? The next verse says "Adam and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.". Uh oh.  Now I know that my agnostic naturist friend might have a stronger Biblical case than me on this one.  Let's just gloss over that one shall we?

And while we're glossing over things, I'd also like to gloss over 2 Samuel 12:8 where God speaks to David through the prophet Nathan and says "I gave your master's house to you, and your master's wives... [cut] . And if all this had been too little, I would have given you even more'"

Now hold on a second.  Did God just tell David he would have given David more wives if he'd wanted?  And let's fast forward to the teachings of celibacy of Paul.  He says it's better to be single.  Oh if only Paul knew his scriptures eh?  (In case you didn't know, Paul knew his scriptures better than most!)

But what's the point I'm making?  As an evangelical Christian who takes his Bible seriously and turns to that sacred book in all my devotional times and for support in difficult days to hear God speak to me through the Holy Spirit, it pains me to see people being pushed away from the Bible because of extremist views on it.

When someone you don't agree with stands up and waves a Bible around to justify horrendous hatred, or waves placards at FUNERALS of all places quoting scripture instead of mourning with those who mourn (another scripture), then it makes you ashamed.  When people who don't know the difference start to think "that book must be awful if it inspires that kind of behaviour" then it drives loving Christians away from the Bible as they don't want anything to do with extremism and what it represents.

That is why I think as Christians we need to stand up strongly and say how much we LOVE the Bible, but also acknowledge how much we have to wrestle with it, pray through it, discuss and debate in loving ways not only what it says, but what God might be saying to us through it and how we apply it in our world and lives today.

Here endeth this morning's rant!  Thank you for listening :-) 

dividing the spectrum

I have a friend, who believes passionately that the Bible supports the ordination of women.  If the Church were to hold a debate and vote on a position, he would stand up and take a pro-women in ordination position.

This same friend believes passionately that the Bible is against all expressions of homosexuality.  When the Church debates on this issue, he would take a strong anti-homosexual practice position.

In one debate, we would stand shoulder to shoulder in what we believe the Bible says.  In another debate, a sharp dividing line separates us.

It seems that where there is a spectrum of opinion, a single issue can divide or unite the best of friends.  What, I wonder, would Christ's response be to this?  I suspect we have answers in the letters of Paul with regards to contentious issues that promote quarreling and division, but would be interested to hear any views others might have.

The power of an analogy

The debate that is raging at the moment about gay marriage across the world has thrown up an interesting issue.  In our attempt to understand complex issues, we often draw on analogies to help us get our heads round things.  Jesus himself often used parables.

In this debate, I have heard two different analogies, which lead to powerfully different outcomes.

The first, used by many conservative evangelicals and traditionalists, is that homosexuality is a departure from the "norm" in the same way that something like alcoholism is.  The argument follows that a loving approach to an alcoholic is to "love the sinner, hate the sin."  Ignoring for a moment the vocal minority of placard waving haters (you know the type... God hates faggots types, that have no knowledge of the message of Christ), we have many who would try sincerely to welcome and show love to a homosexual, while imploring them to turn away from a homosexual lifestyle in the same way we try to help an alcoholic find freedom from addiction.

Another analogy that is used by more progressive types (in the theological sense) is that sexuality is like handedness.  The majority of us are right handed.  A minority is left handed, a few are ambidextrous.

Go back in history and you will see that being left handed was sometimes a curse.  Teachers would strike a child using the wrong hand.  Even the Latin word shares the root of the word sinister.  There was something unnatural and wrong about left handed people, who were clearly not following the template of normality.

And here's where it becomes interesting.  When a sincerely loving alcoholic-analogy Christian meets a like minded handedness Christian, it's as if they are on different planets.

One hears the other saying "I don't care about alcohol abuse.  It's a live and let live society.  What harm is it really doing?  Aren't there more important things to worry about than if someone is drunk and addicted to a drunken lifestyle?"

The other hears a different message.  "I love you, but to belong to our family and have an active role in it, you have to renounce your left-handedness.  If you can't use your right hand (you know, the proper one that we're designed to use), then don't use any hand at all... That's a perfectly acceptable alternative.  We'll stand alongside you in your struggle."

Interestingly, these two Christians might stand shoulder to shoulder on so many debates and issues, yet the power of this one issue is so divisive as to make them feel poles apart.  One hears total disregard for sin and holiness, the other hears a complete lack of compassion and love.

Any read of previous posts will lead you to not be surprised to hear I prefer the handedness analogy.  No doubt if you prefer the alcohol analogy you will want to scream "but the plain reading of scripture says it's a sin!"  I understand and respect your view but on other posts we address the issue of what the Bible says, appears to say and how there are different interpretations that mean we need to take great care before condemning left handed people who use their preferred hand because they were born that way...